This week I was teaching conflict in design teams on the Sustainability Leadership for the Built Environment course in Cambridge.
One small realisation in the session has stuck with me.
The model of feedback I’ve been teaching*— setting criteria, asking permission, enquiring into responses — is essentially a collaborative model. It relies on both people being interested: in the work, and in each other’s thinking.
The alternative is something quite different.
In a more competitive mode, one person asserts a view on their own terms, and the other responds by defending. There’s less interest in understanding, and more focus on holding position.
Both show up in practice. But they lead to very different conversations.
What I noticed in the room is how easily we slip away from both — into something softer, where feedback is diluted to avoid discomfort.
Which probably explains why this remains difficult.
One of the things I appreciate about teaching this material is that it never quite settles. Each session reveals something new about how these dynamics actually play out.
Still more to learn.
*I learnt this technique from Nick Zienau on his excellent Leading and Influencing training.